Dating Life Series #17: "The One"

                                           "THE ONE"

                                                                   Photo By: @1shotbymichelle 

In my lifetime I've dated so many men. It's getting to the point where it's exhausting. It's both a good thing and a bad thing. A bad thing because I obviously had to experience some bad apples that made my life difficult. A good thing because after all my encounters, I was able to figure out what kind of man I want to be with. There are plenty of men out there who haven't reached their potential yet. It takes time. But i've realized overtime everyone has their own meaning of perfect. Everyone says there is no such thing as perfect, but the imperfections are what make someone or even something perfect. A lot of women out there have hopes of finding the perfect man who does everything right, no complaints, no flaws. Some women want a man who does everything for them. Up to paying the bills, shopping, hair/nails, etc. Other women prefer sugar daddies. A lot of women find the man to spoil them with materialistic things but deep down inside they are not happy. I just want a man who sticks by me no matter what. Love me for who I am and help me grow. Someone who I can learn things from and with. I want to feel safe and secure. I don't care if you want to pay my bills, I have my own money too. I don’t care if you want me to stay home and take care of the children. Women are supposed to do that, so are men. It's how every single man got here. It's also how our children will be able to experience a real strong family. I know you have flaws that I am willing to accept but will you have my back? Will you keep me safe? Will you give up on me? That is my biggest concern. How do you really know if this man you love, married or not, will stick by you for life? It's just a risk you have to be willing to take with the man you know is the one. You can’t think about it, you just know. 

    There are so many reasons why a man won't give you his all. Let's start with being emotionally unavailable. Not just men but both genders could simply not have the mental capacity to deal with maintaining another person's happiness if they are not happy. As said in a previous post, you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. In this case, it's a bit similar except it doesn't have to be about this person finding a way to love themselves although that could be a reason, but more so dealing with other issues that take place in their life. Some things aren't always meant to be understood. You just have to provide the support that is needed. Another reason could be you are simply not the one for him, that makes you temporary. Sometimes in these situations, all you need to have is patience because maybe they will come around one day. If they don’t then it simply wasn’t meant to be. The last reason I will write about is most men still want to do whatever they want without the pressure of checking in with someone. Whether that could be dating other people, traveling alone or with friends, possibly even going out with friends, etc. A lot of men want to keep their independence which is okay. But there always comes a time later in a man's life where he needs that woman. 

   In order for you to determine the signs that he is "the one" you have to look for things like; 

Does he involve you in certain aspects of his life where he asks you for advice, ideas, and opinions? Does he check in on you throughout the day/week? Does he feed you? I bring this up because food is one of my Love languages. Does he make an effort to see you, hang out with you, and experience things together, perhaps go on dates? Does he compliment you even on your worst days? Does he show you how much he’s into you during sex? Does he make time to pleasure you? Does he acknowledge your effort? Does he make your life easy breezy? Do you feel like you can take over the world when you're with him? Does it feel like a vacation every time you hang out with him? Do you still get butterflies every time you see him? ESPECIALLY after long periods of time? Are you excited to do things together all the time? Does he make an effort to solve any problems that ever arise? Is he a good communicator? Does he remember those small details about you? Does he listen? Is he honest? The most important one is Can you be yourself around him? If you can't be yourself then you are living a lie. Those are the things I look for. Those are the things that complete me. Sometimes all a woman needs is a guy that makes her feel happy and wanted everyday in different ways. Even if they don’t tell you they love you, you just know. 

   With all those great things comes a great woman standing by the perfect man. You can’t expect a man to treat you the way you're supposed to be treated if you don’t reciprocate what is given to you. Take my last paragraph and ask yourself, do you do any of those things plus more? It’s important because it’s how you show your love and appreciation for that special person. It’s what they think about if they ever have to question your love. When you know someone is THE ONE you do everything in your power to make sure things go smoothly. I always say it’s about the willingness to commit. Of course things take time to end up the way it’s supposed to be but that’s when you know you found the one because you work together to stick together. Everything is always better as a team. After all the situations I've been in I can honestly say the 50/50 thing is a lie. There will be times where you're doing 70 and he's doing 30 or he's doing 90 and you're doing 30. We all have our days. That's where your support comes in. You have to be willing to accept those bad days because they will only turn into better days. As long as you both have the same desire to be together and a mutual understanding of working things out, the 50/50 conversation should never happen. You both equally put in the work when it was needed. You both know the love is real. It's true what they say, actions speak louder than words. 

  As for myself, I currently am so in love right now. It's a feeling I've never felt before with anybody else. It's real love. It feels like how it's supposed to feel. It's almost like I'm living my own abstract fairytale. I say abstract because it's the kind of love similar to that one piece of abstract art where there's so many amazing things going on, you don't know what's going on but it's beautiful. We are not in an official relationship but we've been dating for almost a year with the exception of not talking to each other for a month or so. As a grown woman who knows what they deserve, it's easy for me to know when to cut someone off and when to realize you have a good guy. In my past relationships, I was still figuring out what was right and wrong. What a man is supposed to do and what he's not. This guy makes an effort to make me happy. I noticed that when I would bitch at him so much, he still found a way to fix what was bothering me even if he didn't want to, even if it hurt his pride. That's when I realized he actually cares even if he doesn't want to make me his girlfriend. For some time I complained about why he hadn't made me his girlfriend. He gave me an okay reason. He told me that I am a very special girl who is meant to settle down and have kids with. He would rather not drag me around in a relationship because he still wants to be carefree and enjoy the world. To me it really sounds like he's not done in the dating world and there's potential space for whoever else catches his eye. Why? Because why can't I stick with him for that ride? Why can't we do it together? I do have a problem with that statement. I stopped caring so much about it because of two things. One; I can't always think negative. Two; if that's what he wants to do then I have no problem doing the same thing. I'm still young and at the end of the day it will never be my loss unless I'm the one who fucks up. I know that if the time ever comes where he no longer deserves me, God will show me or even place another man in front of me who will. Now that may not be what he means but it will never make sense to me until I see the importance of me waiting to be his girlfriend when the time comes. So for as long as he feels that way I will always make sure to never let my guard down. But for now, I will enjoy every moment I ever get with him, love him more everyday and sadly continue to wait until he's ready because that's what love is. Learning to be patient. 

   I want to write about some things that make me consider him the one because I want to give you some insight on how a man is supposed to treat you or make you feel. This isn't for you to compare your relationship with my situationship but it's to give you an idea on how love should be. I love how willing he is to do everything I ask him to do. The other day I gave him a gift card I had to a specific camera store and I asked him to please grab me some more film, he said okay. The next day he's already telling me he's about to head to the camera store. First it turned me on, second it made me love him even more because he understood the urgency and he got it done for me. It wasn't a camera store that was close by either. I offered to do his laundry because I want him to also feel like he can count on me when he runs out of time to do other things. When he calls me, we talk on the phone for hours on a good day. Sometimes he's too busy to talk to me on the phone for long periods of time but the fact that we never run out of things to talk about should tell ya something. He just makes me happy, even if I am mad at him, all I want to do is be next to him. That feeling he expressed to me about being in a relationship is the only flaw of his that I can say bothers me from time to time. He's been working on his communication skills which was another one of his flaws but we're getting there. I've been practicing learning how to drive and he lets me drive his car. It shows he wants to see me win. He shows up when I need him to. He cooks food for me and brings it to me, that right there is the key to my heart. I definitely see the growth. I can say that the other men I've been with didn't try hard enough until they lost me. There are so many other reasons why I love him but those are the main ones. I catch myself loving him more everyday. Is he the one? I hope so. 

All things considered, I hope I gave you satisfactory insight on how to determine if that guy you're dating is the one for you. I also hope I answered your question on whether a guy has my attention or not. In honor of valentine's day I've decided to upload a new blog post. I've had writers block for some time and I guess my trip to Seattle and LA helped clear my mind. As always, thank you for your support and I hope you enjoyed your read. Stay tuned! Feel free to leave any topic ideas in the comments below!! - Michelle