Dating Life Series #3: The worst sex I ever had.

 

The worst sex I ever had

( The fake names used in this blog are for confidentiality purposes.) 

                                                Samantha From Sex and The City

                                                   Photo Courtesy: Buzz Feed

   At some point in history, there has to be an article on the worst sex ever. I am here to provide that for y’all. 

   I’ve had my fair share of Men. You would hope that all men are good at sex but unfortunately not. One of many reasons for that are ; You may be way too drunk and/or high or you just don’t have enough sex to be able to practice. You might also have a small penis. But don’t get me wrong, I’ve had sex with a guy with a kinda small penis but his stroke game made up for it. So if you have a small one, work on those strokes. 

    I’ve had terrible sober sex, and terrible sloppy drunk sex. Something that is important before sex is foreplay. About two guys that I’ve had sex with didn’t engage in any foreplay. A lot of guys out there are so selfish with sex they’re only worried about their own happy ending. So to all the men out there trying to better their sex lives, I advise you to keep on reading. 

Let’s start with what Sober John did correctly : 

I am a big fan of guys taking off my underwear for me, I feel like it’s so sexy to see the guy undress me. I usually enjoy following their eyes because I like to know what catches their attention. So yes John took my underwear off for me. 

He kissed my thighs and kissed my boobs a little. We made out. 

Now let’s move on with what Sober John did Incorrectly:

John aggressively put his fingers on my Vagina as an attempt to finger me and practically scratched me. After that I threw his hand off me. This is completely unacceptable Lol. As a man you must keep those nails trimmed to a reasonable length because of scenarios like that. Also you should be gentle down there, that actually hurts to be scratched near the clit. You definitely don’t want any open wounds there either. 

John starts to slap his semi hard penis on my vagina. That was kinda cringe to watch and listen too. I don’t know if y’all women like that but I absolutely DO NOT. By this point I was just dreading for this to end, before it even started. John was a very dreamy guy, so that saved him. Otherwise I would’ve just stopped him and said this is not working out. 

John and I start having sex, he was breathing way too hard but he proceeds to say:

 “Oh I forgot to tell you, I can’t nut. But If you let me I want to eat your ass.” 

I responded back like “WTF do you mean you can’t nut?” 

I honestly don’t remember what the exact reasoning was but he basically told me he hasn't been able to ejaculate for two years now. I know you’re thinking “well that’s a good thing.” Yes it’s a good thing because John will be able to focus more on me and I’ll get all the pleasure in the world. 

The only problem was that he would much rather eat my ass than fuck me. 

So let’s get this straight, he had sex with me for about 15 minutes, interrupted the sex session, told me he hasn’t been able to nut for two years and he would much rather want to eat my ass for the time being. Yes I let him eat my ass because at this time in my life I never had my ass eaten. I enjoyed it, but it was awkward. We tried having sex again but I just wasn’t feeling it anymore so we ended it. It sucked that he wasn’t able to nut at all but I never hung out with him again after that. It may be hard to believe but I find pleasure in a guy ejaculating. It makes both of us feel good. Now that’s the end of my horrible sober sex with John. Let’s get to the actual horror of a sex story. 

Drunk Sex with Peter gone wrong

It starts with us at the bar getting drunk and smoking a bunch of weed. We get to his room and we start making out, regular foreplay stuff.

 Peter proceeds to turn on PornHub and it’s four females and one guy. He tells me to give him head while he watches this porn clip. I immediately told him this is kinda weird. Peter says “Na it’s okay I do this all the time.” That’s a CLEAR RED FLAG that I chose to ignore. So now he takes my bra off and tells me to slap him with my boob. I do it and he literally bites my nipple. I told him not to ever do that to me again. Who likes getting their nipples bitten? Definitely not me. 

This is already taking a weird turn. I go back to giving him Oral and he tells me to put my thumb on his butthole while giving him head. I said “oh hell no I’m not doing that can we just fuck?”  He agrees. He puts the condom on but then once the condom goes on, he gets soft. Can you believe he tries shoving his soft penis wrapped in a condom inside of me? Mind you, this porno is still playing in the background. Peter asks me if I can suck his dick with the condom still on because he doesn’t want to waste the condom. I said “ absolutely not you better use a new condom.” So now we have this awkward condom animosity in the air. I gave in because I’ve never done that before. This is the first time I ever sucked dick with a condom and it was the most uncomfortable thing ever. 

Finally his dick is hard and we start having sex. Five minutes in I’m literally being crushed because he put his entire body weight on me while being on top. I had to scream with my mouth closed because that’s how much he was restricting my body. After I scream, he nuts immediately and had no energy for round two. So I’m just laying there completely unsatisfied, grossed out and disappointed in myself for not leaving any sooner. I was actually pissed off as well because he was requesting and doing all this weird shit, didn’t care about my pleasure at all. For him to nut in five minutes. Literally the worst sex I ever had. 

Normally I’ve been with guys who nut fast but always have energy for a few more rounds. I also been with guys that take their time to ejaculate even if they really want too. But those experiences I had traumatized me. I wouldn’t wish horrible sex on my worst enemy. Please refrain yourself from contacting me if you have weird fetishes, and thank you for reading my two most awful sex experiences I had.